Thursday, July 31, 2008

Characters - Revisited


I wanna talk about character again. Not that intrinsic, motivational, golden rule kind, but the written, drawn, performed kind. This time I will not ascribe rankings to the greatness of television icons. It's been done. By me. Like, 3 weeks ago. Seriously, just scroll down and look.
No, this time, I will talk about my favorite characters of all time. From any media. I know everybody loves reading about my favorites, opinions and video games so why not continue the trend. Maybe one day, I'll have something more important to discuss other than books, TV, movies, video games and sports. Maybe music? But, until then, on with the show. These are my personal favorites. Characters who I've loved, enjoyed, followed forever, or just hit me the right way and stayed with me since. Most of these guys are representations of things I wish I was or could be(no matter how dichotomous the desires might be): wise or irreverently, negligently immature; powerful, strong-willed, charismatic or patient; blissfully-ignorant or brilliantly gifted, etc.

Here goes, in no particular order:

Conan of Cimmeria - The original sword and sorcery character created by Robert E. Howard, not the rip-off, dumbed-down media, Arnold version.
To quote: "I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content." Wow, deep.

Indiana Jones - I love history and I hate Nazis. This is a natural fit.

Edmond Dantes - From the The Count of Monte Cristo. He was the model 'revenge man,' dispatching his own, personal paybacks and justice to those who hurt him. Now, though, I think we learn more from his shortcomings.

The fictionalized Jerry from Seinfeld - The character was my emotional-growth hero for a long time. I think I'm such a cynical, apathetic misanthrope because of him. And, no, Jerry Seinfeld was not just playing himself. The exaggeration is what's so funny and cool.

The narrator from Wolf, by Jim Harrison. His destruction and fumbling through life hits close to home, but it's hard for me to act on the lessons he teaches me.

Dave Robicheaux - created by James Lee Burke. He's a man with a past who does his best to keep his demons at bay and walk a straight line. Even though I'm more like Clete Purcell, Dave's the real inspiration and the reason we kept reading.

Batman - A super-hero with no super-powers. He uses his brain and physical conditioning to not only defeat his enemies, but keep his all too powerful friends in check (I'm looking at you, Supes.) He's dark, moody, conflicted and with childhood issues. Definitely relatable.

Coach Hayden Fox, from the TV series Coach - A football coach man's man who eats steak, hunts, fishes, and lives by himself in a cabin in the woods. It is not that great of a show, but I own all the seasons they've released on DVD so far. A lot of that is my passion for fake football (note my other blog posts tracking my own "career") and desire to be left the hell alone sometimes.

Randall Graves, from the Kevin Smith films. He's shallow and irreverent and funny as fuck.

Peter Gibbons from Office Space. I, too, have a dream of doing nothing. This was a very inspirational tale.

Wolverine - Bad-ass. 'Nuff said, bub.

Tony Soprano - He's almost Shakespearean. I personally am not as confident or confrontational as he is, but then again, I don't have the family ties to back me up. And, in comparison to him, I'm definitely kind of a pussy. I think it's the power that draws us to him. It's why women fuck his ugly, fat-ass and why men envy him and want to follow him and be in his circle.

Han Solo - Star Wars. Intergalactic smuggler? What an awesome job! I bet that "price on my head" thing got him laid. Plus, he was still cool even after he went straight. Aerosmith couldn't even pull that off.

Ryu - Street Fighter series. "The ceremony means nothing to him, the fight is everything." He's a mysterious outsider who wanders the world and fights total strangers. He's an archetypal char cater in that Kung-Fu kind of way, and I think it's the mystery and violence that attracts me to him. He should be the winner in any movie version of this game.

Hank Hill - King of the Hill. Much like Dave Robicheaux, he's a straight-laced guy who I don't know if I have the will-power, patience, drive, etc. to be as collected as. And, Mike Judge's show is just clever and hilarious.

If I had to be one of these guys, the closest I could get would be Indiana Jones. I'd just have to get back in shape and go to grad school. Learn a few languages, take some boxing/martial arts lessons, and start traveling. But there's not a lot of Nazi's left. So, I guess I'd have to fight terrorists. Or, hipsters.

10 comments:

  1. hipsters are more of a threat to our way of life.

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  2. Speaking about jokes from six 'fucking' years ago, hipster died out before you became a faux-native New Yorker, Sk8er Boi.

    PS: I thought Rob Schneider in 'Chuck & Larry' was dead-on. You're the proof, beeyotch.

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  3. Oh, by the way, I was referencing your earlier diablog(tm) about me being a hipster, not this obvious reference to Johnny's post.

    -Jinx "Williamsburg" Protocol

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  4. RE: Randall Graves

    Becky: Fuck, I had to take a fuckin' order off a guy I blew after Junior Prom once.

    Randal Graves: Yeah, I've waited on your brother, too. What.

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  5. hipsters died a while ago? ask joaj about them. he's seen real ones, since he's actually been to a big city. And no, Macon, GA doesn't count. IF you ever come to new york, i'll take you to your mecca and we'll go to williamsburg.


    And seriously, even mrs. ktl was talking about how old your "burn" was. your rob schneider burn was at least a better attempt. kudos.


    "OOOOH! NAVY SEALS!"

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  6. Hey, slitty, look at the burn. I said that the hipster 'joke' died a long time ago, not hipsters.

    Hipster jokes. Small-town jokes. Macon, GA. Wow, Mind of Mencia. Where do you get all of these wonderful ideas?

    I get it. You live in the capital of the free world. Kudos.

    The point I was making was that you're as guilty of old burns as anybody else. Are you suffering from early-onset Alzheimer's, thirtysomething? Did no one else see the intention of what I was saying?

    PS: I'll bet you still own those CDs.

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  7. Don't be bitter cause you write shitty "novels".

    ps - Good luck being a teacher. I'm sure you'll make a wonderful one.

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  8. Wow. A compli-burn. Or, a burn-liment. Either way.

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. I disagree. I would say I write "novels", not shitty "novels". Don't you think that sounds better?

    I'm beginning to think I'm ill-suited for writing. My real dream is to process medical records for a temp agency. If only I had a contact...

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